hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
