I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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