people are starting to question the shark bite story
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
