$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
