I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
