Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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