Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
