My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
