I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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