So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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