Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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