Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
