My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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