EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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