found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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