I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
