Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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