I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
