I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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