Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
