I'm going to jail i love you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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