We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
