Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
