They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
