made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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