dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
