He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
