I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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