I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
