I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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