I love black thongs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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