Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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