You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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