when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
