I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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