Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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