Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
