last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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