Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
