I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
