he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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