i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
