if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
