Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
