Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
