She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
