Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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