So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
