i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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