Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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