i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
